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Do things seem to be going really well, you want to get married and then the brakes seem to go on?

What if it isn’t him that doesn’t want to get married, it is actually you?

Have you been dreaming of getting married since you were a little girl. You know how many children you want, the dress, the cottage you are going to live in. You are already emotional involved in wanting to get married.

Even if you haven’t told him all these things. Talking to you as a guy, we all pick up on your unconscious signals.

But there is something that you can start using today… to over come all of this and more.

You might call it a fear of commitment: fear of intimacy, commitment phobia, fear of dependency or, more broadly, “intimacy issues.”

In the end, all these labels are describing the same general behaviour – a fear of becoming too emotionally invested in a relationship and making oneself vulnerable to being emotionally scarred.

There are many reasons for not committing:

Maybe you have told him that you want to get married. We hit problem no.1

He starts to think am I good enough? Will I live up to what she expects? He thinks of you as Cinderella. He certainly is not a prince charming. Or so he thinks.

Fear of Being Hurt

Both of you have been hurt in the past. Being hurt in the past will show up in your behaviour and emotions. Use EFT to get over your past hurt and emotional attachment to your past lovers. Especially any that you might have the slightest anger towards.

Even though I have this fear about getting married..

Even though I never what to be hurt like that again.

Even though getting married means

Fear of Trusting Another

Getting married will not solve all of your problems, from childhood issues with your father, huge shopping debts.  Women often hide their true personalities and agendas until they are married. You’re expecting “project husband” to fix everything.  Does he even stand a chance?

Even though he’ll let me down like…

Even though I can trust anyone, including myself…

Not Your “Soul Mate”

Your soul mate is a person who is nearly perfect. Basically, this amounts to a fear of interpersonal conflict. Thanks to movies, television, the media. We are all led to believe that this is possible and if we don’t find our soul mates, we’ll be a failure.

The romance section of a book store is one of the most popular – enough said. You can use EFT to attract the mate that you truly want, not the one you think you should have.

Even though I’m not sure X is the one…

Even though there is only 1 person for me and I’ve not found him…

Even though I don’ know if X is my soul mate…

Even though it should be just like in the movies…

Fear Related to Relationship Performance

For you and your partner, this is huge. From being the perfect husband and wife, to providing. What if you have issues around children and finances? EFT can be very successful in resolving emotions surrounding both.

Even though I’m afraid of being committed to X…

Even though I think I’ll miss out on someone or something…

Even though I have to be perfect and I’m not…

Even though I don’t know what I really think about children or…

Even though I don’t know what he thinks about…

Fear of Sacrifice

Does married mean commitment or compromise to you? Is it 50/50 or my way is the only way? Whatever your reasons for this position. Over come them with EFT.

Even though I’ll have to give up a part of me to get married…

Even though I’ll have to give up…

Even though I’ll have to turn into something or some one I’m not…

Even though it’s more 90/10…

The real problem is: if you don’t use EFT to let go of all your emotional baggage before you get married, does your mate even stand a chance?

Who is really afraid, him or YOU?

This was my 1st ever challenge! It was the 1st I’ve ever completed!

I’d only ever written 2 articles before this. I’m no writer, I even had extra English at school. I work full time for somebody else too. I’m no professional blogger or html expert. So I think that has most of your excuses out of the way.

To those that didn’t complete it. Why not? Ask yourself, why is completing this challenge important to you? Come up with 100 reasons. Then the motivation to continue and complete it is easy. It only has to be your reason.  My motivation ranged from I want to do my topic area full time, be Internet based to school fees and travel.

Your reasons have to be yours and yours along.

This is how I did it.

1. Set yourself a deadline before the actually deadline. Stick to it. This allows for submission – checking, grammar, headline changes etc. I set my date to the 1st of April. It was much easier to remember, rather than the 10th for me.

It helps if you read the rule too. Some of my articles were below the 400 word limit. So I’ve done over 100. – lol

2. If you know your niche or topic area of interest – stick to it. I’m the most published on EzineArticles for my niche/topic area, Emotional Freedom Technique. That became another mini goal for me too, after I checked out the other authors.

It doesn’t mean that all your articles have to go under that category. In fact I think it helps if it doesn’t.  Not everybody likes or even knows about your niche or topic area. Yes, most people have never even heard of your favourite ‘guru’.

3. Set yourself a target of doing X per day. Mine was 2. This changes as ’stuff’ comes up. I moved countries during this period. No laptop, no Internet. So I know it can be done. You’ll have off days too.  Just write when you can and want to. The tv and soaps can wait! They’ll be repeated anyway

4. Find all the templates on EzineArticles.com. Complete one article for each. It doesn’t matter if they are seasonal, just do it. Also can you apply certain dates to your niche?  Sign up to the EZA RSS feed for new templates. Heck even some of the “in the zone” videos are worth watching too.

5. Forums – there are forums for your topic/niche. All questions asked and answered become an article too. Yahoo Answers was pretty useful as well. I also used twitter search too.  All of them I have set up as RSS feeds .  I just checked them each morning and did as necessary.  You never know where a comment or answer may lead.

It’s a great way to get in touch with people too. It’s all about communication. Via twitter, I found blogs, comments etc. A quick trip over to their site or an email to somebody has seen great links and traffic to my site. Heck I’ve even helped somebody trying to get into the Masters (yes – golf). He was wondering about EFT.  If you’re passionate about your topic area. This sharing of information comes easily. It shouldn’t be a chore.

6. Blogs. If other people write a blog that you like. ‘Copy’ the style. i.e. 7 most popular books on Amazon etc. – this then also allowed me to contact all the authors of the books.

If you have your own blog. How do people find it? What questions are they asking to find your blog?  Questions = Articles.  Google Analytics and Site Meter helped me.  This also meant that if somebody linked to my site. I said thanks to them too.

Just because you have a blog or web site etc. Doesn’t mean people will find you. You have to go out and find them too.  This seems to be so often overlooked by people having a web site or wanting to run a successful internet business.

Once your article is up. It’s up. Job Done, move onto the next one. Yet by completing 100. Do you now realise how much information you have that you can re-purpose and repackage?

I didn’t worry about key words and all that. Why? Your articles, title and content answer what and how people are asking questions about your niche or topic area.  You’ll naturally be using keywords or so I think. Yes, you can use keywords as inspiration for topics too.

Finally I used EFT to overcome my initial reaction to starting the challenge and during it too. I though this would be easyish until I started writing. I couldn’t start. In the back of my mind I’d set myself an impossible task. Quickly using EFT. This was overcome and I was full steam ahead. – Article to follow

Once done, take a well earned rest! Yet using all the above allows you to keep writing. Rinse and Repeat.

Happy Travels

A

EFT is an amazing group of techniques, yet there are certain things it is not.

1. EFT is not for everybody.

Some of us don’t want to change. Pure and simple. You might say you want to. However, your current results are really an indication of whether you really want to change or not. By doing EFT daily and on a multitude of topics. EFT will become a part of you and your daily routine.

2. EFT doesn’t work

Writing the above statement actually seems like a lie. EFT does work and it works all the time. The real statement should be EFT doesn’t work because we don’t always know that it is working for us. This is why before tapping, score yourself, 1-10 on how intense the emotion you are feeling is. After several rounds of tapping are you still tapping on exactly the same issues as when you started? Or has it shifted? The emotion is in a different, location, its size and intensity. After tapping, take your emotional intensity score again.

3. EFT is not THE magic bullet.

With EFT you can have champagne moments. Other times it seems like you have to go round the houses to get to the root cause of what you are feeling or why you do not have something in your life that you want. Also, even though EFT always works, it quite often appears not to work for everybody because it isn’t the one thing you can put your finger on as to how and why they have now changed.

4. EFT is too long to do and learn

Most of us do the “short form” of EFT and little else. What makes EFT long, is people not knowing what to tap on and how. In fact many tappers, old and new have EFT paralysis. They are worried they are not doing the tapping correctly or saying the wrong thing when tapping. As long as you say, Even though I XXXXX, I deeply and completely love forgive and accept myself, 3 times. Then tap on your reminder phrase: XXXXXX……. You aren’t going to go wrong. In fact you can have great success just tapping on the meridian points and feeling the emotion that you want to clear.

5. EFT is just one technique

EFT is more than one technique. The clue is in the title. Emotional Freedom Techniques. Most of us, myself included do the ‘short form’. If things do not shift after doing the short form. You add to it: tapping on the gamut points, changing your set-up phrase ending. Begin asking yourself, have you every felt this before? How and Where?

There are infinitely more things that EFT is, than is not.

How you apply EFT and on what is only limited by your imagination, courage and your ability to notice your emotions and knowing that you can improve your current situation.

Happy Travels

A